


Nemo Nisi Mors

by TinksMind_Thea



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amazingphil - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fanfiction, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, University, artist!dan, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-30 19:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6437251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinksMind_Thea/pseuds/TinksMind_Thea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(This story is currently on hiatus)</p><p>Phil has a super artistic soulmate.<br/>Phil is also super forgetful. </p><p>So when Phil writes down all his appointments on his hand, Dan ends up with constant reminders that, honestly, he can't even read. So he decides to do little doodles everyday for his soulmate. A beautiful connection forms but will they ever find each other?<br/>Or is this too beautiful to risk shattering?</p><p>OKAY GUYS SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG but I am really unwell at the moment and therefore do not know when I will be returning to this fic. I am uploading 'a chapter' which isn't the next chapter but will give those who are following the story an explanation and some options.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DoodleBug

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a story that isn't based on my own original characters so sorry if it's a bit awkward. I would love feedback please. And also let me know if I should keep it as complete fluff or should I turn it to smut? No need to decide now. Hope you enjoy x

My mum used to tell me all these bedtime stories about soulmates and somehow the guy always used to get the girl, a damsel in distress who just **_needed_** a strong man to save them. I used to hate how they were never about two guys or two girls; that was probably the first sign that I wasn’t ‘straight’, well technically I’m just a little askew, I mean I don’t like to define who I will be with by their sexuality, I mean, no one knows who their soulmate will be so how can we know what we are.

The problem with this whole, soulmates being connected, is that we can never pretend that we are meant to be with someone who doesn’t have the signs.

_“Phil? Anyone in there?”_ PJ calls mockingly as he knocks on my head gently. _“Hellooooo, earth to Phil”_

_“Shit sorry, what were you saying Peej?”_

_“Stop daydreaming and listen to me, I said we would meet Louise and the others at the café at 7 okay? Make sure you don’t forget.”_

Nodding I get up to leave, just as I’m about to open the library door I feel a sharp tug on my sleeve _“Don’t forget the cake”_ PJ hisses in my ear. Grabbing a pen out of my pocket I scribble on the back of my hand _**‘7pm - Café Diem, Bring Cake’,**_ I look at my illegible writing. I feel sorry for whoever my soulmate is they just end up with illegible lines all over their hands.

On my way home I feel a gentle tickle working its way over the inside of my forearm, filled with excitement as to what they have instore for me I pull my sweater sleeve up. I can’t help but gasp at the exquisite detail of the design which is slowly appearing on my arm. Whoever is unlucky enough to be my soulmate has undeniable talent, the soft lines of this beautiful mandala-style art has got my heart caught in admiration. A note on the back of my right hand appears, in cursive writing there’s a question: _‘which colours do you prefer? Tick your top 5’._ A list of colours starts to appear, each with a box next to it. I fish around in my satchel clumsily looking for a pencil, ‘goddammit I know there’s one in here somewhere’ I think to myself. With a humph of success I find one at the very bottom under all off my books, rushing so as not to keep them waiting, I tick blue, purple, pink, green and red.

The design on my wrist starts to come alive with the most vibrant colours I have ever seen. It’s literally breath-taking, I’m so entranced by my arm I end up walking into a lamppost. The ink on my right hand starts to fade as they start to wash it off, I suppose so as not to ruin the art on my arm. Before it’s all gone big capitalised letters appear in bold, they seem rushed, the usually perfect loops becoming jagged and uneven lines.

_**‘HURRY UP IT’S ALMOST SEVEN.’** _

Then in small lettering, almost apologetic, _‘(sorry if you’re already there just thought I would remind you)’_ shows up.

Shit. I forgot, I’m supposed to be at the Café in 10 minutes and I haven’t even got home yet. I run the rest of the way home, fly up the stairs to the kitchen and carefully throw the cake onto the passenger seat of my car. It’s probably best I don’t turn up too late or I think Peej will actually kill me.


	2. Love is Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louise is turning 17. Today is the day her eyes shall open to true love. Things could get awkward at the party. Will she discover her true love tonight? Will all become clear?
> 
> Phil focuses on how he feels about this whole soulmate deal and about the possibility of disaster. Worried about what his destiny is he gets a little distracted at the party...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so I have decided this piece is going to be only about 4 or 5 chapters in total. I already know how I am going to end it, but if you guys read the end and decide you want more, just leave a comment saying so and I can carry it on or at least try to ^.^ also read the translation for Marzia's Italian in the notes at the bottom

A rush of relief floods my body as I realise I beat Louise to the Café. It’s her big day, turning 17 and all. Everyone else is already here; I can see Caspar on look out, Joe is hurriedly talking to the café staff to make sure everything is in order, Felix is desperately trying to hide the mountain of presents whilst Marzia is ‘advising’ him. Even Zoella is busy, she’s going over everyone with a hawk's eye to make sure none of us are sporting any fashion disasters (god forbid we have a wonky belt). Many more of our friends are just pottering around looking nervous.  The only person I can’t see is Pj...

Spotting Chris flirting with someone in a hoodie who has their back to me, I raise the cake in the air in his direction, gesturing a confusion as to what I should be doing with the all so special glitter cake. The hooded figure turns around slowly when he notices Chris’ attention is no longer on him. Shit you not, it’s Pj. He takes control of the situation leaving me and Chris to share looks of promises and confusion.

Today’s Louise’s big day, she’s the last of our group to ‘turn’. The day you turn 17 is the day that your ability to make something appear on your soulmates body ‘unlocks’. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to only have to wait a few months for your soulmates ability to also unlock, sometimes they wait for yours. If you’re super lucky, like Marzia, it turns out you have already met your ‘one true love’. It’s a ritual for us to all sit in a circle and wait excitedly as they birthday boy/birthday girl write something on their arm. I don’t know what we expect to happen, we just help them decide what to write (or draw). Imagine our surprise when Marzi’s **_‘Be è il mio compleanno! Sono finalmente 17 (yay) ciao, sono Marzi ^.^’_** turns up on Felix’s arm!!! How none of us spotted that they were made for each other before I have no idea.

Whoever is my soulmate is either younger than me or is just really, really, really shy. I had to wait almost two years to hear from mine. It does happen though, where one partner is younger than the other. I first heard from my ‘companion’ 5 months ago, at first all I got was an apology for the wait, but then I got beautiful drawings and short poems and it was like the wait was worth. Whoever they are, they’re an incredibly talented person.

We often talk a lot, as in, we have mini conversations using a leg or an arm, sometimes both! They have suggested meeting up several times but I’m too scared, I am an incredibly shy person, socially inadequate and I never know what to say. I’m worried they won’t like me, it’s not unheard of that the soulmates don’t actually end up together in the end. I think I would much prefer for us to meet by chance, or at the hands of the Gods, because then it doesn’t matter if I screw up. I won’t know who they are and therefore won’t know the enormity of what I just screwed up.

I’m just a second behind everyone else when they jump up out of their hiding spots shouting **_‘SURPRISE’_** at a very startled Louise. Bombarding her with presents and cake and congratulations we all automatically end up in a circle, almost like a cult, we move as one.

 _“Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out like Marzia’s ay.”_ Chris chimes up.

 _“Yeah that would be awkward, especially if it was you”_ Peej stutters shyly. God is that boy smitten, could he be anymore glaringly conspicuous?

Blushing as she nervously attempts to steady her shaking hand Louise writes on the back of her hand ‘ _Happy Birthday to me aha’_

We all let out a bated breath simultaneously. Half of us are disappointed and the other half relieved, filled with curiosity and excitement we jump into debating the possibilities of who she is destined to be with. We have confirmed it is not a repeat of last year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Be è il mio compleanno! Sono finalmente 17 (yay) ciao, sono Marzi ^.^" =  
> ""hey so it's my birthday and I finally turned 17. If you're reading this I guess it means we're soulmates and and my names Marzia"


	3. An Unpredictable Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lengthy conversation occours between Dan and Phil.  
> Phil gets the scoop on what in the hell is going on, and gets an explanation for what he saw at Louise's party.  
> Just a small chapter giving a little background and helping chapters to flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be much longer but it started getting past the 1500 word mark and I thought to keep consistency in my chapter lengths (also I doubt I would have finished by Sunday otherwise) Hope you guys like it and thank you so much for all the incredible feedback I have received. Please carry on with the feedback I love hearing what the readers think and want.  
> PLOT TWIST GUYS A FEW HOURS AFTER UPLOADING THIS I FINISHED A WHOLE OTHER CHAPTER!!! SHOULD I UPLOAD IT TOMORROW OR ON SUNDAY??? LET ME KNOW XX

On the drive home from the party, I can’t stop thinking about my soulmate. Right on cue I start to feel a gentle tingling start to arise on my thighs, working its way up my body and back down again. I struggle to resist the urge to pull over and just strip to see what new alterations have appeared. I can’t seem to get home quick enough; I am barely through the door when I start tearing of my clothes.

I leap up the stairs two at a time, but once I get to the full length mirror in my room I pause. Suddenly hesitant to look, I don’t want to shatter this fairy-tale of mine. Shutting my eyes tight, I step forward, opening one eye no more than a smidge. My breath catches in my throat, the most intricate of designs covers my ghostly skin. I can’t help but smile from ear to ear. My soulmate is an artist and I am more than ecstatic to be their canvas. They manage to turn me from a blank sheet into an exquisitely vibrant work of art and I love it, I feel like I mean something to the world.

_“Sorry if I got a bit carried away, I can wash it off if you want...”_ Appears on the inside of my wrist.

_“No, no, I love it, it’s incredible”_

_“Oh gosh, thank you, so, erm, how was the café?”_

They asked and so I tell them all about how Louise was turning 17, about Marzia and Felix, about how I think two of my best friends are in love but I worry as they aren’t soulmates (as far as I’m aware). I tell them all about our weird ritual and how I could not stop thinking about us. We talk for hours all about what it was like for them when they turned 17, “ _I was over the moon, after all this time of having random, illegible, scribbles turn up on my body I was ecstatic to finally be able to give something back”,_ we discuss the ins and outs of the world, about their piano skills and how I am the must clumsy being to ever walk the earth.

After saying our goodnights I tumble into bed, I lay on my back looking up at my ceiling of stars. This is always my favourite part of the day. Just talking to them, getting to know them better, I feel like I have known them all my life although I still don’t know they’re name, gender or what they look like. All that doesn’t matter though. I am filled with a bubbly warmth after our talks and I hope to whoever it is that is out there, be it God or a giant cat, that they feel it too.

* * *

 

As a result of being rudely awakened by my blaring alarm, I sleepily step into the shower. Noticing all their artwork has already gone I presume they were up before me. Mid hair straightening I remember with a jolt that I have an appointment at the hairdressers for 2 o’clock this afternoon. Scribbling it on my hand **_‘2pm @ Brookes for haircut the one by Café Diem’_** I rush out the door to the library, time to ‘study’ with PJ and Chris (more like interrogate them on what I saw at Louise’s party).

Spotting them leaning a bit too close together to be just friends I smack my bag down on the table startlingly them. _“Hello boys”_ I say with an air of mischief in my voice. _“No hello back? Then let u get straight into it then. Tell me everything.”_

Sheepishly they look at each other before Chris opens his mouth; “ _Erm, so, this new English essay sucks doesn’t it’_ I just responded with a raise of an eyebrow.

_“Already completed it, so can we now talk about you two please?”_

Blank stares were all I got as a response.

_“Right well, are you two a couple or something? If so cool, just no gooey stuff please. Well, I mean, it **is** adorable and all but I am all alone”_

**“** _Well we are together and I know what you’re going to say Phil ‘_ **But you two aren’t even soulmates right? So what’s the point???** _’ well we have a surprise for you..”_ PJ starts to tell me.

“ _Look at this”_ Chris says as he gestures to his arm. Tilting my head in confusion, Chris writes ‘ ** _Phil is a romantic sap”_**

_“Gee thanks Chris”_ I laugh.

“Oh shut up and look at my arm” PJ interrupts my little moment.

Well shit, there is Chris’ cruel joke in his cursive lettering. Giving them my blessing, unable to quite get over what I just discovered, I head out the library to start the long process of walking to Brookes’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST GUYS A FEW HOURS AFTER UPLOADING THIS I FINISHED A WHOLE OTHER CHAPTER!!! SHOULD I UPLOAD IT TOMORROW OR ON SUNDAY??? LET ME KNOW XX If you ever want to talk to me but not in the comments section feel free to email me (theamurray159@gmail.com) I check them everyday.  
> Once again thank you so much for reading and sticking around ^.^


	4. Strangers in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil meets a beautiful stranger but doesn't get his name. Stuck between a rock and a hard place Phil doesn't know what to do about his feelings but little does he know, he really doesn't need to make a choice at all. Life makes all the choices for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this chapter is a bit longer than the others but hope it is an okay length I may have been a bit over enthusiastic with some of the descriptions. I wrote this at midnight so sorry if any of my spelling or grammar is wrong or a bit spiffy, I can't see my keyboard so let me know and I will correct any mistakes.

Upon arriving at Brookes I stepped in to be greeted by my usual barber, Ian, offering me a cup of tea. I look around for a spare place on which to perch whilst I waited. I spotted a seat on the sofa, opposite the most beautiful human being I have ever had the luck of crossing paths with. He couldn’t have been much more than 17 years old. He had what seemed to be soft skin, bronzed just so slightly. Despite the gentle tan he had I seemed like a transparent ghost in comparison. His brown fringe was gently tickling his nose, to which he responded by wrinkling his nose. Obviously reading something funny on his phone he burst out laughing, his eyes crinkling at the edges, the most adorable dimple appearing in his cheek. This boy encompassed everything that beauty is, he was, in my opinion, angelic.

Ian broke my train of thought by tapping me on the shoulder, tea in his hand he gestured towards a chair.

_“What will it be today?”_ He asked me despite knowing the answer.

_“The usual please”_ As Ian kindly washes, re-dyes and trims my hair, I can’t help but to look at this stranger in the mirror. Usually people in all back have a sort of, ability, to strike an underlying fear within me. They all seem to be powerful people who I would never stand a chance against. Yet somehow, this boy wears all black in a sense that makes him seem almost vulnerable in a way. With skinny jeans and a leather jacket he could pass as a biker but somehow I get more of a gentle vibe.

The mystery boy is gone by half 2, I never even saw him get anything done. Curious I ask Ian about the mysterious stranger and what he was doing here…

“ _Oh him? That’s Mr Howell, he usually just comes here to experiment with different fringes. He had no appointment today so no idea why he was here. He just turned up, about 10 minutes before you did. I was too surprised that you were 10 minutes early to really question it sorry mate._ ”

And with that, I pay and make my way home. The entire time thinking about this Mr Howell and why the hell he would be there. The only time I ever saw him look up was when the door opened any time after 2. Weird. Yet despite the inexplicability of his presence I still couldn't help but think of him with happiness, that boy was so beautiful I just could not quite comprehend it.

A ticklish sensation on my right hand reminds me of who I should be thinking and fantasizing about. Scalding myself I turn my attention to my wrist. No drawings this time. That is strange? There’s just some dots with tiny numbers next to them?  **_“Join the dots ^ ^”_** appears underneath. After a minute of scrambling for a fine enough pen in my bag, I join the dots one-by-one. They form 3 letters with a small animal beside them. “ ** _DJH”_** I have no clue what the hell they stand for but I think they have drawn a Llama next to it so I am already intrigued.

“ _What does DJH stand for???”_

_“They’re my initials, I thought it was about time I introduced myself”_ Comes the reply. _“So hi, my names, Dan. Unfortunately you are stuck with me as your soulmate and I like to doodle (as you can tell)”_

Giggling at how he manages to somehow portray such a sense of awkward shyness in so few words. The idea is so cute. I let myself into my house I wonder up to my room before responding. _“Hello, my names Phil, I completely adore your artwork and I’m a hopeless romantic with a fringe”_ I think that was as good as it was going to get. We talk for a bit longer before we both disappear of for dinner. I feel like a terrible human being as throughout the whole of my meal, and even when talking to Dan, I cannot stop thinking about the boy from the hairdressers. I feel so dirty, as if I am committing some unforgivable sin. That boy, Mr Howell, is not my soulmate so I should get my head out my bloody arse and appreciate what I have actually got – a funny, talented, genuine, boy for a soulmate.

After a while I decide I should see if Dan is able to talk yet so I send him a dreadful little drawing of a lion with the word “ ** _Hey”_ ** in a little speech bubble. All I get in response is a **_“Fuck Off”_** stunned, I just stare at it; I am overcome with confusion. I don’t quite know what to do with myself. How am I supposed to respond to that? I knew it. I knew I fucked up thinking about that stranger, I knew he could tell. I have upset him and have probably torn this relationship up forever; unrepairable.

All this and more runs through my mind for what feels like forever to me, but in all reality was merely a third of a second. I look down at the words to find something I really was not expecting. I had been so caught up in my mini meltdown that I had not felt the small winking boy being concocted next to the swearing. **_“Look in the mirror (take of your top).”_** Was now scrawled beneath the original lettering. I pull my sweater off before turning to the mirror, as I catch sight of myself I feel all my previous worries and inhibitions wash away. I am stunned that I didn’t notice the furious sketching that was occurring on my body. There was now a mesmerizingly detailed portrait of a lion laying side by side with a llama covering the blank space which was once my torso. The detail is so accurate that it is surreal. I feel as if, were I too reach out and touch my chest, I would be able to feel the soft mane of the lion. Dan had even drawn in the blades of grass on which the animals were laying. I have never seen something so magnificent in my life. I mean all of his previous work had been incredible but this just blew my mind.

_“My god I love it”_ I write. I want this tattooed on me forever, I can’t keep my eyes off of myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it so far ^.^ as always I would love to hear your thoughts and feeling so far and any suggestions / constructive criticism is welcome (wanted) I just want to be able to improve and write better for you guys. So next chapter should be up within a week. Unlikely timings will be as iffy as this time I just happened to kinda be really inspired.


	5. An Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to disappoint but this isn't an actual chapter more of an apology and an explanation which you guys deserve.

Okay so sorry this is not an actual chapter. I thought you guys deserved an explanation as to why I just kind of dropped of the face of the earth. SO here it goes. For the past year I have been mentally unwell and been getting worse as time goes on therefore have barely kept up with my studies let alone fanfictions. I am having to write an entire novel for one of my A Levels and so all creativity is being forcibly directed towards that. 

I have thought up some options for you guys to decide on.  
1) We wait until I , hopefully, recover and I carry on with the story  
2) I hold a competition where you can email me, or message me on my tumblr, your pieces (ie you guys compete to write the next chapters and it becomes a joint effort)  
3) similar to the second option but instead I write the next chapters with some of you guys which would give you the opportunity to see my writing process, work with me, and see the story follow the way you want it to  
4) I leave it here.

This is up to you guys so please comment which you would prefer. I will tally the options in two months time and we will go with the most common choice.  
If you guys have any other suggestions please email me ( theamurraywriting@gmail.com ) or comment below or inbox me/send me an ask on my tumblr ( https://theas-bedtime-stories.tumblr.com/ ) 

To see some of my writing exercises, one shots, prompts etc i suggest following that tumblr blog which will be updated frequently.

 

Thank you for understanding


	6. Decision Made: A FanCompetition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey this is not an actual chapter but as said in the previous update I am not well enough to carry on writing and feel as though y'all deserve the story to move forward. I am holding a competition for you guys to write the next chapters and I can either edit them or help you. All details will be listed in this 'chapter' body

I am holding a competition where you can email me, or message me on my tumblr, your pieces (ie you guys compete to write the next chapters and it becomes a joint effort) I hope all of you are good and would like to thank you all for your patience. As mentioned I took in to consideration what you all voted for and the overall feeling was that you wanted to get involved. Therefore I am now opening up the story to you guys. 

**_Your Options:_ **

  1.  You either email me ( theamurraywriting@gmail.com ) or discuss another way to contact me. And with this you either attach your written chapter to follow what has already been posted.
  2.  You contact me through email (as forementioned) or tumblr ( https://theas-bedtime-stories.tumblr.com/ ) or twitter ( @theas_stories ) with your ideas and we co-write that particular chapter or I can help you develop your ideas if you just needed someone to help you with starting/organisation etc. When you are happy with where it is I will post it.



 

_**Further Information** _

  * Anything you write needn't be long, some chapters I write are 500 words and some are 3,000. Do not worry about trying to mimic my style
  * You will be given full credit as 'co-author' and will be named in the chapter notes. 
  * I will select one, out of all submission sent to me, two months after receiving the first submission so as to give you all a chance to write something.
  * The story is now in your hands, you needn't keep entirely to how I wrote, but please stay as PG as possible unless you run it by me first and I feel it fits within the spacing of the story.
  * If I intend on writing a chapter at any point it will be mentioned in the footnotes of the most latest chapter that has been posted at the time.
  * I will repost all this information into the 'about me' section of my profile to make it easier to find and will delete this 'chapter' and the previous 'chapter' in 4 months unless I decide to do so before hand ^.^.
  * Anyone can enter no matter how experienced or inexperienced you are when it comes to writing I encourage everyone to embrace every opportunity and challenge!



Happy writing my lovelies!

**Author's Note:**

> Would love feedback and opinions feel free to message me either by inbox, comment or email. Srry it's a short chapter. Next one should be up by end of next week.


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